Pokin M' Nose In

[alt_wagstaff]

Been keepin m' loaf down, this past while. Who hasn't, right? What wiv M' Lady's Knee lockin people up, left n' right.

But yer owls keep findin me. Clever buzzards, innit? So I thought I oughta put somefin up here again. Let yeh know I'm still hexin.

Some o yeh need to pick yerselves up an get on wiv it. Chins up, mates! Or knees up, yeah?

Wags -
The last month, my girl's not been herself. Won't eat much, doesn't sleep, barely gets to work, and does nothing at home. Sick and tired of it. How do I get her to buck up and pay attention to me? Sign me Frustrated in Falmouth

It's just the last month, then? Any chance she's knocked up? Would it be yer first? It's a good racket, the population rewards scheme--so if that's it, yeh could be on yer way to galleons. And if it's not that, I'd have a look in the mirror, mate. D'you need a bit of cleanin up? Or maybe yeh need a dose o Bird Lime to get her back in yer nets.

Dear Mr Wagstaff,
I'm a witch of a certain age, and I've never had many friends. I'd like to change that. Where does one go to find others who're lonely? -- Nelda, Tuck Haven

Nelda, luv. Yer goin about it all wrongwards. Yeh don' want to be lookin fer the Sad Sacks Club, yeh want to be lookin fer someplace where folks go to enjoy a pint an a pull. Go down yer local an see who's there, yeah? Put on yer best robes, spritz a bit o scent behind yer ears, an when yeh get there, tell the barkeep yeh want my drink--a Tall Tail Wagger. That'll get yeh started.

Same message to all of yeh: go down the pub an raise a glass to Wags! I'll do the same m'self!